Thursday, July 8th, 2010

Some Pride

Toronto, Ontario

It does happen. The tendency to be proud and to display it is very strong. Here is how I got hit with it this very day.

I woke up at 2 AM, showered, donned my dhoti and wrapped my chauddar around me in such a way as to expose some torso because of the heat. I set out for walking and chanting on my beads thinking proudly, “I’m such a good boy, waging war on the mind doing my mantra meditation so early. I’ll return to the ashram to wake the other monks at 4 AM. After all not all twelve residents take the morning sadhana so seriously and therefore, show up a few minutes late. They seem so dependent on me.”

All was still and silent through the quiet Rosedale neighbourhood where I chose to walk and where air conditioners were running hard. A good hour and a half passed and I made my return to the ashram. I knocked from door to door but received no reciprocation from anyone. Every last door was locked. Not a sould responded to my call. “Wise guys!” I thought. “They can hear me but they are feigning sleep on the pretense of working hard the previous day. Perhaps another excuse is that the heat is restricting sleep.”

Anyways, I was thinking all of them. I then looked up at the main clock at the end of the corridor realizing a discrepancy with my new digital watch. I was off by an hour. The main clock read 5:05 AM. I was surprised.

That meant that everyone was already up, had showered and were already in attendance in the temple room finishing some recitation. Therefore, I ended up being the late one. Nevertheless, I did feel some embarrassment.

I do get guilt-ridden when missing any morning spiritual practices. It is very important to me and it is important that I benefit from the grace that comes from attendance in addition to being the example.

8 KM